ABA SPONSORSHIP FORUM – WAS A SUCCESS.

On Wednesday, FEBRUARY 11, the new Wednesday Night Meeting was set aside for an hour-long forum on the topic of SPONSORSHIP. Listen to the recording and hear  Joan J. of  (Edmonton, Alberta, Canada) share her experience, strength, hope & knowledge of sponsorship.

The recording was taken on WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 11th 2009 at 8 – 9pm EST

There was a QUESTIONS & ANSWERS TIME AT THE END…

Click & listen .

Joan J.  (56min) 25 MB

Joan J.  (Click on this text to download &  then open on your PC player and listen.)

 

Guidelines for Long Distance Sponsorship

A Great read on sponsorship…..

Click  PDF icon to view & print  entire document

GENERAL SERVICE ASSOCIATION OF ABA
Guidelines For Long-Distance Sponsorship

©2005 by Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous

Background Information

The practice of long-distance sponsorship originated in Alcoholics Anonymous in
the early years of that Fellowship’s existence. If AA was to spread beyond the
confines of Akron, Ohio, and New York City (the twin nuclei of AA in its
pioneering time), it was necessary to reach alcoholics living in other places. To get
sober and stay sober, alcoholics needed both to hear the AA message and to
receive support from sober people who were themselves supported by existing
groups.

The essence of 12-Step recovery is “one drunk talking to another, sharing
experience, strength and hope.” When the Big Book was published in 1939, AA
soon discovered that this communication process between drunks could occur
through the printed word just as effectively as orally. The book found its way into
the hands of alcoholics living throughout the U.S. and, within a few short years,
internationally.

Newcomers to AA, however, needed more than the book if they were to get
sober and stay sober. They needed ongoing personal support. Some of them
travelled to Akron or New York and stayed for a time with sober people while
they immersed themselves in AA meetings and in the 12 Steps. They then
returned to their homes and started new meetings so that they, too, could begin
carrying the message to other alcoholics (a critically important aspect of staying
sober themselves). These folks continued to receive support for their recovery
from sober people they had met, using letters and/or telephone contact.

In ABA we are encountering the same issues as did our forefathers in AA. Since
our basic text was published in Dec 2002, ABA has already spread like wildfire
around the world. There are now registered groups on three continents. People
with eating disorders everywhere are learning about our Fellowship and finding
within it something vital for their recovery. Many of them had tried other
Fellowships for many years and were still floundering in their disease before they
found the ABA text with its clear, simple message about sobriety. Not surprisingly,
these folks are desperate for help. They want to get sober, they will go to any
lengths to get sober, and they are crying out to us here in Canada for assistance.

Every week the GSA receives calls from people wanting to start a new meeting in
their part of the world. We send them a letter with some suggestions to help
them get going. One of the first things we state is that the founder of a new
meeting ought to be sober, according to the ABA definition of sobriety. If she is
not, then “the blind will be leading the blind” and everyone will suffer.
Predictably, this suggestion leads to the newcomer asking us to support her to get
sober. And this request leads straight to the issue of sponsorship, for, as we know, a
sponsor is essential in the process of getting sober and staying sober.

Long-Distance Sponsorship Guidelines ©2005byABA p/1

The Need For Sponsorship

The AA literature is clear and emphatic about the importance of sponsorship.
“Going it alone in spiritual matters is dangerous.” (Twelve Steps and Twelve
Traditions, p 60). Without a sober person with whom he can check out his
thinking, the alcoholic is in grave danger of deluding himself regarding just about
everything. What seems perfectly logical to the alcoholic mind soon proves to be
utter nonsense when voiced aloud to another person.

We in ABA have the same problem. Our thinking “stinks” most of the time,
especially in early recovery (the first five years sober, or more), and our greatest
difficulty is that we don’t know it stinks. Inside our minds, something makes perfect
sense, and we only see how crazy it is after we say it out loud to someone who
knows us well and loves us enough to point out the twists in our thinking.

In ABA we have thus discovered the importance of sponsorship, and our basic
text contains a lengthy section on this subject (pp 157-161). We urge every ABA
member to study these pages in depth and discuss them with other members.
Perhaps the most important statement in this section is on p 158: “No one can
take the Steps with any deep level of effectiveness unless she has a sponsor.” In
other words, a sponsor is vital to guide us through the 12 Steps. Most of us have
discovered the truth of these words, sometimes by painful experience. And unless
we do the Steps, our obsession with our bodies and with food is not removed,
leaving us vulnerable to relapse.

The Practicalities of Being A Sponsor

In ABA we have learned that no one can recover without sobriety, so the first job
of a sponsor is checking whether her sponsee is sober in her eating and
exercise. If she is not yet sober, this assumes top priority. The sponsor gently but
firmly comes back to this point again and again: “Are you willing to get sober?”
“Are you willing to go to any lengths for sobriety?” If the answer to either of these
questions is “No,” then there is little to be done except praying for her. Most of us
have learned that if a sponsee is not yet willing to get sober, we are wasting our
time with her. Listening to a drunk for any length of time is an exercise in futility
and may leave us frustrated and angry. She may be in a blackout and have no
memory of the conversation anyway. Better to take our leave, and to pray.

If, however, the sponsee is willing to get sober, then the sponsor can assist her by
brainstorming possibilities for meal support. Almost nobody can get sober without
full meal support for at least the first few months. The options around this are
virtually endless: family members, friends, neighbors, “Meals on Wheels,”
restaurants, treatment centers, frozen prepackaged meals, or some combination
of these and other avenues. There are many suggestions in our text in Chapter 7,
“Getting Sober,” and both sponsor and sponsee should familiarize themselves
with this chapter. Many people have special nutritional needs (e.g. their weight
needs to increase or decrease, or they may have food allergies or medical
conditions requiring special food plans) so the sponsor should encourage her
sponsee to seek professional assessment by her doctor and/or dietitian. Any
specific instructions about her dietary needs should be given directly from the
dietitian to the meal-support helper, not to the sponsee herself.

Long-Distance Sponsorship Guidelines ©2005 by ABA p 2

Once the sponsee is sober, it’s important to encourage her to start working on the
Steps immediately, starting with Step One. The sponsor will offer concrete
suggestions for doing each Step based on her own experience of it, which will
naturally emerge from the way she herself was sponsored. There are many
published resources on the Steps; if the sponsor used one or more of these
guidebooks, then she will probably suggest that her sponsee use it too. But
remember we cannot pass on anything of real value except our own experience
of the Steps, so it is best to rely on materials with which we are familiar.

Some sponsors like to read through the ABA text with their sponsees, often in
conjunction with Step work.

It is usually advisable for sponsor and sponsee to work out a specific time for
telephone contact each week, allowing up to one hour for a thorough check-in
regarding her Step work and any challenges to sobriety that week. If it’s not
possible to set aside the same day and time each week (e.g. because of shift
work), then a date can be made for the next week before signing off each time.

Sponsoring Others Long-Distance

The principles of long-distance sponsorship are the same as those of local
sponsorship, and are discussed in our text. To review these principles:

1.A sponsor should be sober.

2.A sponsor should have a sponsor herself, for the reasons discussed above.

3.A sponsor passes on her personal experience of recovery, not theoretical
knowledge acquired from a book.

4. A sponsor should be working the 12-Step Program herself; otherwise she will
have no experience to share with her sponsee.

5. A sponsor should be able to be honest with her sponsee. Sponsorship is a
sacred trust. Lying, or withholding the truth, is a violation of that trust, and
will cause harm. Honesty without compassion, however, is a tactic of our
disease and will also cause harm.

6. A sponsor is simply a vehicle fora Higher Power to work through. Only the
Higher Power can heal and restore us to sanity. So a sponsor can relax,
pray, do her best, and trust God to do the real work in her sponsee.
Long-distance sponsorship is generally done by telephone, with the sponsee
placing the call and paying the toll charges. Some sponsors prefer to have their
sponsees check in by email, at least some of the time. It’s fine to experiment with
any method of communication, and thereby to learn what works best in each
situation.

Gifts From Long-Distance Sponsorship

Those of us who have sponsored people from afar have discovered the gifts that
flow from such work. Virtually everyone who is willing to go to the lengths of
working with a sponsor they can’t even meet face-to-face is a person who is deeply
committed to the recovery process. Such folks are a joy to work with. They tend to
be highly responsible people, they are reliable about phoning at the

Long-Distance Sponsorship Guidelines ©2005byABA  p /3
prearranged time, they will usually do everything suggested to them, they tackle
their Step work with gusto, they are courageous in starting meetings in their area,
and they are deeply grateful for the sponsorship they are given, viewing it as a gift
from God. They are serious about recovery and, as a result, they get well. It is a
privilege to witness their growth from week to week and month to month, and
their progress catalyzes our own.

Too Busy To Sponsor? How About Being an ABA Buddy?

Many of us already have multiple sponsees and are reluctant to take on this

additional responsibility of sponsoring a stranger from a distant place. To commit

an hour every week to such a person and to guide her through the Steps may

seem like an onerous task. If so, there are other options.

The majority of people requesting long-distance ABA sponsorship are already
participating in another 12-Step Fellowship; that is why they know how important
it is to have a sponsor. Many of them have long-term recovery in another addiction
and are working with a good sponsor in that area (e.g. AA, NA). They may
already have worked the entire 12-Step Program through the other Fellowship.
This will be a great asset when they come to ABA, and an ABA sponsor can tap
into this quite easily.

For example, if we lack the time or energy to fully sponsor such a person long-
distance, we could simply offer to be available for check-ins around her eating
disorder while she continues to use her other sponsor for guidance through the
Steps. Our job then would be to ensure that she is sober in eating and exercise
(as discussed earlier) and to see her through Step One in her eating disorder.

This is important, because her other sponsor (not being an ABA member) would
be unable to understand what Step One means or to pick up on the nuances of
her sharing about eating and exercise. Only an ABA member can spot in another
person the subtle indications of relapse, or impending relapse, and call her on
them. Once she is thoroughly grounded in Step One, she can then work through
the remaining Steps using a sponsor from any other Fellowship, since beyond
Step One the ABA Program is identical to that of other Fellowships.

In agreeing to be an ABA “buddy,” it is important to ensure that we also meet all
six criteria (discussed on the preceding page) for being a sponsor. It is vital that
we are sober, have a sponsor, are working the Steps, etc. The sole difference
between being a sponsor and being a “buddy” is the level of involvement we will
have in guiding the newcomer through the Steps.

In conclusion, we encourage every sober ABA member to consider trying this work of long-distance sponsorship at some level. The need for volunteers in this area is great and the rewards immense. If you’re open to a trial run at it, we urge you to discuss it with your own sponsor first, then call Donna at (780) 378-0362 or Joan at (780)423-5508 or 459-7865 to put your name forward.

Long-Distance Sponsorship Guidelines ©2005 by ABA  p / 4